what you can see even in the dark.

as much as it sounds like a cliche, it's only natural that there comes a moment in your life when you can truly say "no one has ever looked at me like that". for me that moment came yesterday.

late at night, following the french picnic that took place at the kitchen table only minutes earlier, we were lying only millimeters away from each other. our faces, our thoughts separated by close to no distance at all. and in that look was everything we have not been telling each other for the past 3 months. the confession that P. thought he would never open up to anyone ever again, never let anyone close enough, until i came along. we have surprised each other. surprised ourselves by how easy and natural things have fallen into place. and by how scared we are right now to face it once we have to separate. the ideas and proposals keep floating around. wall street. u.s. office. european rotation. so many ways to get back onto the same continent. we have yet to see whether those statements will materialize into anything other than empty words. but i know i feel special now. that i am thankful for this summer. for being included in someone else's life. for feeling like i matter, like my words matter, like i can change everything if i am only around.

last night was different. even though we woke up this morning and surely fell back into the AM routine we have grown so accustomed to over time. but i will cherish the memories of the moment when our eyes locked in the dark and we could not keep our hands of each other. not in a crazy, passionate way. but in a way that was full of love and affection, more than anything else in the world.