Goddammit...

these days have filled my head with wonders.

damn, i have no idea how to control myself. who has said it is possible to exclaim 'i will love you tomorrow'??
it's been 9 months. almost. 9 months of struggles, pain, tears and intentions to leave.
but im still here. what am i hoping will change if i move to another state???

is it possible that im in love with that jerk?????????? god, i dont know. if only i could erase him from my mind, but to do that i would have to erase everything he meant to me, everything that screams his name when i come across it. my ipod seems to be a chronicle of my past. disney, stereomike, panama, la princessa, hello sunshine, damien rice and now the reminders. each one is, in fact.

i just wonder why for once i dont go for it and just screw everyone who could possibly have a problem with my decision and act for myself. although, now that i think about it, im here maybe exactly for that reason. i fucked up. and maybe not.

i wanna laugh, run on the beach, be longed for and die of longing back.

'so forget the other boys, cause my love is real.'

that night also seems to be too real in my memory. the fight. the dinner. candles without my legs catching on fire. i didnt have to intervene. too much sex considering i was lying sick only a few minutes earlier. and then.. just a few minutes later.. i left my room again, only to return to someone else. i even remember still wearing his tshirt. a bit of sperm stained it a little. but he could have never even imagined i would be capable of such thing. i couldnt either.

where is all this bitchiness coming from???? why are so many people hurt? and why am i never happy with the outcome??

maybe it's my short attention span. and as many have said before, dissatisfaction keeps the humanity going. where will i get?