Hide and seek.

im hiding again. from people, from my worries and my mistakes. and most of all, from what is yet to come. and for the milionth time in my life, i feel like its not me living, but only surviving being led by someone else's will.

i received a math placement test from swarthmore two days ago and already i regret my decision. im scared. scared to death. scared of facing the challenge that actually was the main reason of my enrollment. and for the milionth time in my life, again, i did something to prove something to myself. as if my whole life was a constant reminder of my victories and failures and my everyday living only an attempt to keep it balanced. cause victories can never win.

at the same time i wish someone helped me on my way. guided me through all the important decisions, because that way it would be easier. i would have someone to blame for my mistakes, someone else than me.

i tried to convince everyone how strong and independent i am, but it was all a lie. im weaker then anyone could possibly imagine and thats why i let these things happen to me in a naive beliefe that im just a victim in my own story.

but there comes the time when one should take responsibilities for his actions. so here i am. saying sorry for hurting those who were in my way when i tried avoiding getting hurt myself.