Slowly losing it...

in the book i read last week, it says: 'you know when you've had the best days of your life. not when you're done with them and going through later days, realizing they're not quite as good, but right when you're in the midst of them. call it your peak of happiness.'

and as there's a cycle in economics, i guess there's just the same one in life. and according to how i feel lately, i might be experiencing my trough of happiness, hoping for recovery.

last night i almost lost it and did as many times before: waking my mom at 4am in the night scaring the hell out of her with my tears through the phone. 'what's wrong sunshine?', she'd ask. and i wouldnt really be able to put a name on it. because i cant really define what 'the wrong' is. it's just hard to exchange my happiest moments for the moments of total despair and unhappiness. i'm not happy, i'm really not and don’t know what to do with it…

this morning i couldnt even get out of the bed as if there was nothing worth standing up. i forced myself to dream a little bit more, hoping that the more i sleep, the shorter the day is, meaning less time required for me to get through...

im over-emotional, crying even during the commercials, because to be honest, this is much more difficult than i expected it to be. so today i found my return ticket and started thinking about going home. because maybe being with my mom and the rest of my small family, would take the memories and thoughts of loneliness and loss away.